Stay (With Me)
by The Last Ronin
Summary: In the moment their eyes first met, Killian fell for Emma though he didn't realize it at the time. Now that he has finally put a name to his feelings, admitted them aloud, seeing her reunited with Neal breaks his heart.


Short piece on Killian's reaction to Emma and Neal's reunion.

Enjoy!

_**~The Last Ronin~**_

I run.

I'd made some excuse about getting more firewood and walked into the jungle before anyone could stop me. My gait is slow, steady, as my eyes scan the surrounding jungle for trouble. It doesn't matter though, I'm still running.

I just…I just had to get out of there for a little while. She's fine, she's with her family, she's safe…she's happy. And that's all I really want. That's all I want…

I stop in front of a small tree, gasping as if I'd been running for miles and not walking slowly for a few minutes. Absently I reach for my flask, uncork it and take a drink. The rum burns down my throat but I barely notice it. What's a little burn compared to this…this hole eating away at me?

What was I expecting though? She's a bloody princess after all and in her world I'm nothing more than a villain. A scoundrel, a liar, a thief, a murderer. Pan's words come back to me as I raise my flask once more: "a one handed pirate with a drinking problem"… I'm everything she doesn't need in a partner. She deserves a far better man than I can ever be. She deserves more than me. I'm not enough…not good enough…and I never will be.

I stare at the flask, paused halfway to my lips. Why do I even bother? Rum helped me get through many a night in the three hundred plus years since Milah was taken from me but now… Emma is not Milah and I can't just drink away the pain with her. Upending the flask I watch as the amber liquid spills out along the ground. It's not like she was ever mine…not really. I'd hoped of course that maybe…but perhaps it's time I stop fooling myself.

Nothing but pain can ever come of this…I know that now. Although I hadn't expected her to reciprocate my feelings when I laid my heart at her feet I had been hoping she would have said something…anything…other than the silence she gave me. Then when she embraced Ba…Neal like she had, in that moment I knew…I knew how big a fool I've been.

She will never love me. No matter what I do for her it will never be enough because in the end, I am selfish and I want more from her than she'll ever be able to give me. I thought that if I could somehow find the person I once was, if I could ressurect the man I was before…before my life went to Hell, that maybe, maybe she could…

But why bother dwelling on maybes and coulds and what might have beens? My vision blurs and I notice moisture dripping down my hand. What the…tears? I swipe at them with the back of my hand, more than a little surprised to find them there in the first place. I haven't cried since…I can't even remember how long it's been. With a start it hits me…shocking me every bit as much as her kiss had. I never once cried for Milah.

Fat lot of good that revelation does now…now that it's been made abundantly clear that the first woman I've ever deemed worthy of tears feels nothing for me. I laugh, a short, harsh sounding bark that sounds more like a person being strangled. What the Hell did this woman do to me? What a mess I've become…crying over what never was nor ever will be like some selfish brat.

But that's me alright…selfish. Selfish for hoping that someone like her could ever love someone like me, after everything I've done. Selfish for hoping that there was something more for me than just death and loss and pain. Selfish for hoping…

There is no such thing…not for me.

"Hook?" A voice says quietly and I whirl on it's owner, having not heard them approach.

"Emma," I breathe and in spite of everything her name leaves my lips like a prayer. I silently curse myself. When am I going to stop this foolishness?

She takes a step back, her eyes widening as she looks at me and I'm sure I look nothing short of a mess with flask in hand and bleary, bloodshot eyes. A minute passes before she shakes herself free of her shock at my appearance and she approaches slowly.

I watch her as she stops in front of me, my entire body tense and hyper aware of how close she is. Why can't she just leave me to suffer alone? Must she slice my heart to ribbons and then stuff the wounds full of salt too? Without a word she wraps her arms around my waist and pulls herself to me tightly.

A small gasp is the only sound I'm able to make as my arms come up instinctively to wrap around her, to protect her. Even now, with my own chance at happiness shattered and scattered to the wind my first thought is still of her and what will make her happy.

I don't know how long we stand there. I don't care really. Every second I spend with her in my arms like this is one more second I get to live before she leaves to go back to…him…and finishes me off for good. Here I stand, on death row, moments away from the noose and yet in this moment I can't find it in me to care. If this is all I'm to ever get then there's no point in going on. Please just let it be quick…I'm so tired of this never ending, sweet, agony.

After what could have been hours, her arms tighten around me slightly and she slowly looks up, her eyes meeting mine. The breath leaves me as I stare into those green orbs filled with such a storm of emotion and unsaid words that I doubt all the time in the world would be time enough to decipher everything they're trying to say. Hope and fear, joy and sorrow, happiness and pain, longing, despair, desire, confusion…what in the Hell is going through her mind right now?

One word leaves her lips and I feel like I've just been struck by lightning. The night goes silent around us as I stare into her eyes, trying desperately to understand what she meant by that one word. She trembles slightly as she watches me and I know she's waiting for a response but I just can't get the words to…she has to know my answer because she's the one asking and I've never been able to deny her anything.

I squeeze my eyes shut because I can't look at her right now. I can't look at her because right now I know that this woman in my arms is either my salvation or my destruction and I just can't find it in me to care which because so long as I can just hold her in my arms like this I'll gladly take either.

A soft touch on my cheek draws my eyes open and back to hers as her other arm tightens slightly around me.

"Stay," she whispers once more.

Of course I'll stay, I want to tell her but I still can't find the words so, unable to do anything else, I nod.

A smile, more radiant than any I have ever seen, lights her face and she hugs me tighter still, her gaze not leaving mine. Despite myself a very small sigh escapes my lips and a single tear trickles down my cheek because this right here, right now, for me, is enough.

And perhaps, someday, it will be for her too.


End file.
